i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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