Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
