I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
