So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
