Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize