I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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