She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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