guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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