I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
