I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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