Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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