great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize