I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
