the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
