Having a random hookup so left but love u
My first STD was from a foam party
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize