dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
