look no pants
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
