last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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