Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
