Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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