new low.... made out with someone while peeing
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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