Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She announced her abortion via fbk
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
