If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
