I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
