he thought i was a dude.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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