I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
