I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
