It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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