forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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