i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize