News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize