if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't think brook has ever known best
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
