I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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