"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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