i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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