i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
