I looked at my own cervix.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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