This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
tell me about the fingering
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
