I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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