i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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