sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
