I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
