I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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