does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
