Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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