I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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