I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize