"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
