if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
