worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
