Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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