Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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