Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
