it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
