yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
