WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
