i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I deserve this hangover.
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