your room smells of hookers.
And success
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
