You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
