I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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