TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
