I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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