Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
